Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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