Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
