Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
