the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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