you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
