I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
