he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
