Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dignity is for republicans.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
