i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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