the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
