What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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