During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
