I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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