I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
