hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I will die if light touches me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
