Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
