Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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