Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
