I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
