Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
