you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
