How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
