I got chris browned last night
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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