i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
