dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
