As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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