i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
