he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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