You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
PANTIES FOUND
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
