WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
