I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
