That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
