ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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