No more Irish car bombs ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
