For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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