just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
