I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
