At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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