I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
