If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
