People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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