I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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