can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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