she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
