He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
