9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
