my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just invented taco cereal.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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