Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
