I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
