Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
