how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
