It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
