Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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